She is a hard habit to break ...

This past weekend was the lifestyle yoga weekend. One of the topics of discussions was being conscious of our actions and thoughts. Being in the present and realizing how much we do each day that is pure habit and on auto drive. So, I thought I would start writing about some of the habits I find in my day.

My recent move to a new department has brought a lot of pre-conceived judgments and old habitual ways of relating out of me. In a previous life, I had the pleasure of working for one of the most difficult women on the face of this earth. Nothing was good enough, fast enough, or done quite right. I bent over backwards to try to read her mind and please her. This would be the time that I got it right. Nope, not the right shade of green in the presentation. There was so much tension and anger in our interactions and relationship. I can say that without a doubt it was my most toxic work relationship on record.

Well, my new client has the same management style and demeanor as my first nemesis. The minute she opens her mouth or I get an email from her, I am transported back 10 years to the 33rd floor of bank in Boston. The old angst, tension, and anger just bubbles up like it were yesterday. Toxicity all over again. Trees or no trees.

However, after this weekend’s discussion, I have cause to pause. Am I giving the new manager a fair chance by bringing all the junk from my past? I need to step back and break that habitual response. I need to let this relationship develop into what it will be on its own without my pre-conceived habitual response.

To be continued …

Namaste

Snow Globe

Today I am grateful for the view from my new cubicle. Today is my first day in a new cube and department. A little scary and stressful. It always is, until I learn to navigate the waters and get into a routine. Although one thing that makes this move much more bearable and fabulous is the massive window, which looks out upon the surrounding campus and grounds. Lots of woods and nature. This morning when it was snowing, my view of the world looked exactly like a snow globe that had been shaken. What a truly wonderful and beautiful sight. It definitely helps with my stress levels. It is very calming for me to look outside and see nature – good or bad. The view makes all the difference in my state of mind and mood. My computer screen is flanked by this window, so when I type I can see this big ole’ tree. Very good vantage point for daydreaming. Cannot wait until spring and summer when the grounds will be alive and in full bloom.

I am very fortunate and grateful that my new cube came with a snow globe.

Namaste

The End

Today I am grateful for the impending End. No more contractors in my house. The last couple of bits of work are supposedly going to be finished today. Hallelujah! No more vacuuming sawdust, no more cleaning black fingerprints from every possible surface in my house, no more black boot marks on the white risers of my steps, and no more of someone being in my house when I am not home. I am grateful for the work that was done. I am just a little maniac / upset about the amount of extra cleaning and restoring of my house, which is required by me when he leaves. I like the feeling of knowing that everything will be the way it was when I left in the morning. I know these are all my neurosis that I have brought on myself, but admitting is the first step to recovery.

Today, I am grateful for getting my house back the way I left it.

Namaste

Is gratitude a relative feeling?

Is gratitude a relative feeling? I ask this only because I struggle with what to write most days. I pose the question to myself - "What are you grateful for today?” I automatically start searching my day for grand moments, ideas, things, or actions that would be suitable (wrong word?) for gratitude. But this does not seem right to me. I think / feel / sense this should not be the way to foster gratitude and appreciation. Gratitude should not be just the big things but also the little and fundamental things. Is it harder because I am extremely fortunate to have the life and surroundings that I do? Is gratitude relative to my fortune? Is it more meaningful for me to say I am grateful for the roof over my head, the food on the table, and the clothes on my back? Do I take all these less than grand things for granted if I do not pay homage and gratitude to them each day? Is gratitude a ladder where I can skip over rungs 1 through 5 because of my circumstances?

Maybe that is what this whole gratitude idea is about, not forgetting the rungs 1 through 5 on your way to 6. I think I am starting to understand that on this path to Santosha, I must be mindful and grateful for all the big, small, ordinary, and extraordinary, as well as all the places in between.

Today, I am grateful that I have the means and abilities to work and help support my family.

Namaste

Thank Goodness for German Engineering

Today, I am grateful for all the people who work in the Engineering department at Volkswagen in Germany. Danke!

Friday, on my way home from work, I was rear ended by an evil Japanese car. We were in stop and go traffic, so it was not horrendous and bloody, but scary enough. My poor baby got smash-alated on the back bumper and I was tossed around a bit from the impact. But nothing like I believe it could have been, if it wasn’t for my lovely little car. It ensconced me in protection and took the bullet for me.

I am very grateful for my little blue wonder and the Über– intelligent engineers at VW. Danke!

Namaste