You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. — Lewis B. Smedes
Nope, don’t think I am quite there yet for one nameless and faceless person walking around the streets today. Yesterday, while capping off the end to a fabulous weekend, I came out of the nail salon to find my baby knocked over and injured. No note, no one owning up to it, just one big dent and a cracked panel. What is wrong with people? How can you harm someone else’s property and walk away? Have you never ever been in those shoes? Do you not know the deep pit in your stomach when you realize some one has damaged/stolen your stuff? Yes, it is a material thing. I should not be going on about. But it is not that my baby now has the big dent, it is that people believe it okay to treat other people with such little respect. To not have any dignity or humility to face of to your mistakes is so sad and unattractive. It makes me want to move to a desert island.
I know I will get over it and my baby will be repaired, but will our society be repaired or do I need to lower my expectations?
Namaste
Monday, September 8, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Green ball of happy
We become what we think about all day long. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
So what do I think about all day long? Well, if you put it in the context of the quote, I am becoming one big worry wart. I am constantly worrying about this or that. Will I make the bus? Crap, if I miss the bus, what do I do? Will I get to work by 7:30? Does this outfit look okay? Does it make me look fat? Am I eating enough vegetables? Am I getting the right vitamins? Why am I always tired? Will I have time to mow the lawn tonight? And on and on it goes. Millions upon millions, of these questions and worries stamp through my head every day. I thought yoga was supposed to stop all this and silence the voices.
Maybe not yet. To silence those voices is going to take a team of exorcists working round the clock with highly sophisticated equipment not yet developed. So until that time, I think I need to do a bit of self improvement..hhhmmm.. I mean growth. I need to do an abrupt about face and start to shake things up a bit. Life is too short to be a worry wart. If I take up all the time in my life with worries then there is no room left for life. Isn’t that profound – Hallmark watch out. So how does wean themselves off of worry. I can wean myself off of sleeping pills (90 days and counting), caffeine, running, but worries. Is there a worry detox diet? Wouldn’t that be so easy and convenient? With my nature and highly active mind, I think I need to structure it. I need to set milestones for myself. A LIST! Yeah, everything can be made better with a list and a plan. (I think that is why the war is dragging on, they don’t have a list on how to end it. Hint – 1. stop firing guns. 2. leave country and go home 3. war done.) So, I digress. Anyway, let’s try an experiment, a plan and list of sorts…no worries for an hour, then two hours, then ½ of a day, then a whole day…until it becomes everyday, every minute and every second. I’ll have it sneak up on me when I am not looking. Just as we learn in yoga, to be present. Focus on the here and now. What’s done is done and will be will be. Pssh, yeah right. Well, I can try. I minute less of worries will mean, I minute more that life or happiness can happen. And in the end, did anyone on their death bed, say can I have one more minute so I can worry. Nope.
So, watch out, I am going to become big ball of happy.
Namaste
PS – one green stuff down with very little side effects. Although I may turn into one furry green ball of happy.
So what do I think about all day long? Well, if you put it in the context of the quote, I am becoming one big worry wart. I am constantly worrying about this or that. Will I make the bus? Crap, if I miss the bus, what do I do? Will I get to work by 7:30? Does this outfit look okay? Does it make me look fat? Am I eating enough vegetables? Am I getting the right vitamins? Why am I always tired? Will I have time to mow the lawn tonight? And on and on it goes. Millions upon millions, of these questions and worries stamp through my head every day. I thought yoga was supposed to stop all this and silence the voices.
Maybe not yet. To silence those voices is going to take a team of exorcists working round the clock with highly sophisticated equipment not yet developed. So until that time, I think I need to do a bit of self improvement..hhhmmm.. I mean growth. I need to do an abrupt about face and start to shake things up a bit. Life is too short to be a worry wart. If I take up all the time in my life with worries then there is no room left for life. Isn’t that profound – Hallmark watch out. So how does wean themselves off of worry. I can wean myself off of sleeping pills (90 days and counting), caffeine, running, but worries. Is there a worry detox diet? Wouldn’t that be so easy and convenient? With my nature and highly active mind, I think I need to structure it. I need to set milestones for myself. A LIST! Yeah, everything can be made better with a list and a plan. (I think that is why the war is dragging on, they don’t have a list on how to end it. Hint – 1. stop firing guns. 2. leave country and go home 3. war done.) So, I digress. Anyway, let’s try an experiment, a plan and list of sorts…no worries for an hour, then two hours, then ½ of a day, then a whole day…until it becomes everyday, every minute and every second. I’ll have it sneak up on me when I am not looking. Just as we learn in yoga, to be present. Focus on the here and now. What’s done is done and will be will be. Pssh, yeah right. Well, I can try. I minute less of worries will mean, I minute more that life or happiness can happen. And in the end, did anyone on their death bed, say can I have one more minute so I can worry. Nope.
So, watch out, I am going to become big ball of happy.
Namaste
PS – one green stuff down with very little side effects. Although I may turn into one furry green ball of happy.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The Art of Undone
Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials— Lin Yutang
Can this done, says the OCD yogini. Yes, she responds hesitantly and fearfully.
Oh my goodness, leaving something undone is stressful enough, but completely letting it go and taking it off the list. That is down right abominable and unthinkable. If I don’t have my lists, how will I remember anything in my old age? (Although, if I forget something, how can I stress about it?) How will I be able to manage my life and all the “things”? How will things get done, if it is not on a list? How can I control my life?
I know I am making light of my OCD, but I have to laugh at myself and my quirks or they become that much more stressful and unmanageable. I think the key for me is to try to stop the To Do lists (yes, multiple lists). Take note of things on one list and then let things go. Who cares if you second bathroom, which no one uses isn’t done? Who cares if the deck isn’t stained right at this exact moment? I have a whole summer of weekends to do it. Who cares if the house is a bit dusty? (This one is one of the hardest to let go. The dust in my house is my arch nemesis.) Who cares? We are living and surviving in these circumstances, so that should be good enough.
I know this is easier said than done. But nothing worth working for ever came easy.
This coming year, I hope to explore the many quirks and nuisances of my nature and how I can massage them to be a bit kinder, gentler and realistic. I am very tired and exhausted from carrying around all these lists, all these neuroses, all this anger, all the bargaining for things I want, all past hurts and experiences, all the guilt of who I am and where my mind is at this moment, all the haves and have nots.
I read something once that really made me stop and think. It goes something like this. Our desire for things is only an emotion, which we have the choice to ignore like another other emotion at any time. So, maybe I should start ignoring all these “things” that weighting me down and explore the noble art of leaving things undone…
Namaste
Can this done, says the OCD yogini. Yes, she responds hesitantly and fearfully.
Oh my goodness, leaving something undone is stressful enough, but completely letting it go and taking it off the list. That is down right abominable and unthinkable. If I don’t have my lists, how will I remember anything in my old age? (Although, if I forget something, how can I stress about it?) How will I be able to manage my life and all the “things”? How will things get done, if it is not on a list? How can I control my life?
I know I am making light of my OCD, but I have to laugh at myself and my quirks or they become that much more stressful and unmanageable. I think the key for me is to try to stop the To Do lists (yes, multiple lists). Take note of things on one list and then let things go. Who cares if you second bathroom, which no one uses isn’t done? Who cares if the deck isn’t stained right at this exact moment? I have a whole summer of weekends to do it. Who cares if the house is a bit dusty? (This one is one of the hardest to let go. The dust in my house is my arch nemesis.) Who cares? We are living and surviving in these circumstances, so that should be good enough.
I know this is easier said than done. But nothing worth working for ever came easy.
This coming year, I hope to explore the many quirks and nuisances of my nature and how I can massage them to be a bit kinder, gentler and realistic. I am very tired and exhausted from carrying around all these lists, all these neuroses, all this anger, all the bargaining for things I want, all past hurts and experiences, all the guilt of who I am and where my mind is at this moment, all the haves and have nots.
I read something once that really made me stop and think. It goes something like this. Our desire for things is only an emotion, which we have the choice to ignore like another other emotion at any time. So, maybe I should start ignoring all these “things” that weighting me down and explore the noble art of leaving things undone…
Namaste
Friday, May 30, 2008
Medicine Music
Music is the medicine of the breaking heart. — Leigh Hunt
Here’s my list of music medicine…. This list is not in any order, what so ever…
Unchained Melody – Sean
Change the World (Eric Clapton) – Glenn
Crazy Love (Aaron Neville) – Steddy
Beloved Wife (Natalie Merchant) – All of the Jerks
Have I told you lately that I love you (Rod Stewart) – Can’t remember his name
Have you every really loved a woman (Bryan Addams) – Chris
Let me be the One (Blessed Union of Souls) – Steddy
Pictures – Glenn (he really doesn’t deserve two, but hey what are you going to do)
There are probably many more, but these are some of the deepest and most profound events and songs that evoke a memory for me. Although it is quite unusually how one good song with a good memory can change all the bad ones…
The most important song ever is the song that sends you soaring and gives you a smile.
The Best is Yet to Come (Nancy Wilson) – Wedding Song – the Inventor
Namaste
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
You
Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself. — Richard Bach
Do what makes you smile. Do what makes you sleep easy at night. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions when it comes to being true to you. No matter who the person, they are not you and not in your shoes. You are the one who has to live with yourself and your decisions, so you better be comfortable with them. Remember, if they truly love you and are concerned about your needs and happiness, they will be pleased when you find it, doesn’t matter the shape, size or how you got there.
So, go for messy, long, short, sweet, easy or hard, it is all yours to own and live.
Do what makes you smile. Do what makes you sleep easy at night. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions when it comes to being true to you. No matter who the person, they are not you and not in your shoes. You are the one who has to live with yourself and your decisions, so you better be comfortable with them. Remember, if they truly love you and are concerned about your needs and happiness, they will be pleased when you find it, doesn’t matter the shape, size or how you got there.
So, go for messy, long, short, sweet, easy or hard, it is all yours to own and live.
Today, I have gratitude for all those people who supported me and will support me through my past and future messy, beautiful, and totally Jill journey.
Namaste.
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