Shadows

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, get out of the way, unless you can make things turn the cool red color like the earth!

Namaste

Light or Heavy Baggage?

Love not what you are, but what you may become. — Miguel de Cervantes

To me this quote means that we should be thankful and grateful for the trip and that you have made it this far alive.

Everything that has happened or hasn’t happened in our lives has brought to this point. A person is a sum of their experiences. The true character comes when you know what to do with the experiences. Do you become a victim or do see as an opportunity and a hidden message to carry with you forward? This is a hard line to walk. At the time when something bad has happened to you, most people would normally say “why me?” But what you do next is where the true character lies. Do keep those feelings of injustice, anger, sadness, etc with you on the rest of your journey? Or do you look at the situation for the lessons? I know this is the hardest part of the whole idea. But I think the ability to notice those feelings and reactions in a situation and to deal with them, then let them go is much kinder to ourselves. Now I do not believe this is all going to happen at in the moment the bad thing happens or even in the following day, month, or year. It takes each person their own time to come around and see things for what they are. Obviously, the sooner you notice this extra baggage, the lighter and easier your load becomes. I believe everything happens for a reason, good, bad, or indifferent. It is our reactions to these “things” that truly define us and who we will become.

I know I am going try the next time something good or bad, but especially bad, happens to me, to stop, think, digest and let go. I am going to be kind to myself and allow myself to let go and forgive.

I am grateful for all the experiences of my life.

Namaste

Peace

Peace.
it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. - unknown

This weekend as part of our Yoga Lifestyle program, we went to the Pittsburgh Zen Center to discuss Soto Zen Buddhism with Rev. Kyoki Roberts. It was a very interesting and challenging afternoon.

We first did a short 5-minute meditation, then the longer 15-minute mediation, followed by a short talk about Soto Zen Buddhism. The 5 minutes was very difficult but doable. Not so for the 15 minutes of meditation, it felt like I was being tortured. I had this insatiable urged to go run anywhere, I just needed to move after that 15 minutes. In Soto Zen Buddhism, you are positioned a specific way and then you are not suppose to move for the sitting. Not even fidgeting! And you leave your eyes open. So, not only can I not move, but you are going have me quiet my mind with my eyes open, staring unfocused at a spot. Yikes! Just ask for anything else, but not that! It just was not my cup of tea. It was too passive physically and too active mentally. I think I need the reverse. I need to occupy my body and use up some of my energy, while emptying my mind. So, maybe Soto Zen Buddhism might not be for me. Although I did take away some lessons and “tricks” for remaining present. That is one small stepping-stone in my journey.

There are many different types of people and each one of them may have a different type of meditation or quieting. I think they all get to the same ends. Peace. To be able to be content whether it is emptying your mind or filling it up and letting it go. It is finding that inner dialogue with yourself and doing what yourself needs to reach your peace. It is finding that calm in your heart.

Today, I am grateful for the opportunity to meet Kyoki and learn about Soto Zen Buddhism.

Namaste


PS …. and I believe running can be a meditation!

Heart Catcher

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart. — Anonymous

Happy Valentine's Day, you, heart catcher you.

Namaste

Success is so sweet

If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded. — Maya Angelou

I have succeeded because I do care, love & adore my husband to the nth degree. He makes me smile. He has added very much to my life. Things I cannot describe and would hate to lose, ever. He lets me be real in a world that does not want us be real – and still loves me. He is so sensitive and kind. He is brilliant, and yet, Mr. Magoo-like, in the most adorable way. The most amazing thing about my husband is his capacity for my warts, wonders, weirdness, and me-ness.

So most of all today, I am very grateful for my husband. I never want to know a day without him in my heart and soul. Success is so sweet!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Namaste

Builder or Planter?

“An anonymous text says that each person, during his or her life, can adopt one of two attitudes: building or planting. Builders can take years to finish their tasks but one day they do finish and then they are hemmed in by their own walls. Life loses its meaning once the building is over. Those who plant may suffer storms and can rarely rest, but the garden never ceases to grow, and although it requires the constant attention of the gardener, it also allows life to be a great adventure. In the history of each plant is the growth of the whole earth.” - Paulo Coelho

This quote is from Paulo Coelho’s website. He is one of my favorite authors. His books always challenge me to think and more specifically, think about my self and my life.

So, are you a builder or a planter?

At times, I think I am a bit of both. I am a very list driven person and I am always working towards retirement. I plan, worry, and wait for retirement, because that is when I will get to do what I want with my life. This idea became prominent once I got married. Is this because I now have a reason to retire? Is it because my life now is structured, and less like a planter than in pre-marriage? Is it because I feel in prevented from living my life the way I want due to my new responsibilities and life? It is a complicated question, with a complicated answer that cannot be answered in one day or post. I think my life now is definitely more builder-like, as well as more secure, blessed, loving, mature, and less lonely.

However, there is a planter side to me. Although, I feel it has been muffled and set aside on shelf until a more appropriate time. I used to be a planter with zeal. Do not like my job, sharp right turn, I backpacked through Europe for 4 months, and then was a nanny on Nantucket. Another time, I went to live in Mexico for a couple of months to learn Spanish. Still, another time, I went back to school for the 3rd time. I used to take many more risks or let us try that because it sounds neat. Albeit, these risks I took were always very calculated and assessed thoroughly. I always had a way to parlay these adventures into a new situation that left me on two feet sitting pretty.

When I read above, I think I was really a planter, with builder tendencies and now have turned into a full-on builder, but still have the desires of a planter. Therefore, I am a “builpla”.

Namaste

Next Stop - Happinessville or Not?

Today's quote from Real Simple is -

Happiness is a direction, not a place. — Sydney J. Harris

How do you feel about that quote? It makes me somewhat angry. It makes it sound like this thing called happiness is not attainable. It leaves the concept of happiness up for interpretation. How do we know we are headed in the right direction? If we are always striving for happiness and contentment, but have nothing to reach in the end or it moves, then how to do know you are going in the right direction? So, is what I feel right now, the happiness direction? If it is then I think we may live in a very masochistic world and happiness is an illusion!

Namaste

Yoga Gene?

First off, I know there is no right, wrong, good, or bad in yoga. At least, I know this is what I have read and been told. However, lately I feel like there definitely is a right and wrong and a good and bad. And I am on the wrong and bad side of that mat.

Last night, I took the ordinary Wednesday night yoga class, but it had a twist. We have a new instructor. My comfy shoe has been taken away and replaced with a new stiletto. The new instructor is not really a stiletto, but it is new and painful, so what shoe imagery would you use ? For me, the thought of wearing a brand new, tall, skinny heeled, stiletto, just makes me want chop off my feet. There problem solved. No more pain in the feet.

So, I digress, so we had this new yoga instructor (She is fabulous in all respects. This rant is nothing to do with her, per se) and thus a new class. This should make me grow in my yoga, right? Yoga is not about an instructor, it is a personal journey, with many instructors or helpers along the way. Many different views, methods, ideas of the yogic variety, can only add to my yoga experience, right? Wrong. It seemed to detract from my yoga experience last night. I was quite discouraged and sad about the class. It is not what I had come to expect with my Wednesday night class. This sadness and melancholy continued through class. I walked out of class with no after class buzz and glee. I was ambivalent, miserable, and ready to walk away from yoga.

This cannot be a yogic mind. Yoga is a personal journey, not about the class or instructor. So if this switch affected me to this degree, maybe I am not meant for yoga. As I watched the instructor lead us through this new unchartered, unfamiliar territory, I couldn’t help but think…Here is this woman, who has just finished the 2nd year of the program I am currently enrolled in, but she had so much more “yoganess” than me. She was the epitome of what a yogini should be. She lives the talk and walks the walk. So, observing her and observing me, I had to wonder is there a yoga gene I do not have? I cannot comprehend myself being in her position, state or place in 11 months time. I question more and more, whether I need to find a remedial yoga lifestyle / teacher program, which lasts much longer and is more in depth. Or do I need to re-do the first year and then maybe I will get “it” with a second go around. On the other hand, should I just scrap the journey all together? I do not know. I am beginning to think, a redone first year or a more intensive class, is not going to do it for me. I do not think I will every get to that “yoganess”.

That makes me sad and discouraged. And when I am sad, discouraged and frustrated I historically quit. Re – flute, saxophone, clarinet, swing dancing, ballet, softball, Wall Street career, entrepreneur. If I cannot be the 'best" or "get it right" within due course, then I quit. I do not have a lot of patience, for the getting back up, dusting yourself, and trying again, and again, until I get it.

I am at a cross roads in my yoga life. Do I quit or do I continue through the discomfort? If I am never going to get “it”, why should I continue?

Namaste