First off, I know there is no right, wrong, good, or bad in yoga. At least, I know this is what I have read and been told. However, lately I feel like there definitely is a right and wrong and a good and bad. And I am on the wrong and bad side of that mat.
Last night, I took the ordinary Wednesday night yoga class, but it had a twist. We have a new instructor. My comfy shoe has been taken away and replaced with a new stiletto. The new instructor is not really a stiletto, but it is new and painful, so what shoe imagery would you use ? For me, the thought of wearing a brand new, tall, skinny heeled, stiletto, just makes me want chop off my feet. There problem solved. No more pain in the feet.
So, I digress, so we had this new yoga instructor (She is fabulous in all respects. This rant is nothing to do with her, per se) and thus a new class. This should make me grow in my yoga, right? Yoga is not about an instructor, it is a personal journey, with many instructors or helpers along the way. Many different views, methods, ideas of the yogic variety, can only add to my yoga experience, right? Wrong. It seemed to detract from my yoga experience last night. I was quite discouraged and sad about the class. It is not what I had come to expect with my Wednesday night class. This sadness and melancholy continued through class. I walked out of class with no after class buzz and glee. I was ambivalent, miserable, and ready to walk away from yoga.
This cannot be a yogic mind. Yoga is a personal journey, not about the class or instructor. So if this switch affected me to this degree, maybe I am not meant for yoga. As I watched the instructor lead us through this new unchartered, unfamiliar territory, I couldn’t help but think…Here is this woman, who has just finished the 2nd year of the program I am currently enrolled in, but she had so much more “yoganess” than me. She was the epitome of what a yogini should be. She lives the talk and walks the walk. So, observing her and observing me, I had to wonder is there a yoga gene I do not have? I cannot comprehend myself being in her position, state or place in 11 months time. I question more and more, whether I need to find a remedial yoga lifestyle / teacher program, which lasts much longer and is more in depth. Or do I need to re-do the first year and then maybe I will get “it” with a second go around. On the other hand, should I just scrap the journey all together? I do not know. I am beginning to think, a redone first year or a more intensive class, is not going to do it for me. I do not think I will every get to that “yoganess”.
That makes me sad and discouraged. And when I am sad, discouraged and frustrated I historically quit. Re – flute, saxophone, clarinet, swing dancing, ballet, softball, Wall Street career, entrepreneur. If I cannot be the 'best" or "get it right" within due course, then I quit. I do not have a lot of patience, for the getting back up, dusting yourself, and trying again, and again, until I get it.
I am at a cross roads in my yoga life. Do I quit or do I continue through the discomfort? If I am never going to get “it”, why should I continue?
Namaste
Last night, I took the ordinary Wednesday night yoga class, but it had a twist. We have a new instructor. My comfy shoe has been taken away and replaced with a new stiletto. The new instructor is not really a stiletto, but it is new and painful, so what shoe imagery would you use ? For me, the thought of wearing a brand new, tall, skinny heeled, stiletto, just makes me want chop off my feet. There problem solved. No more pain in the feet.
So, I digress, so we had this new yoga instructor (She is fabulous in all respects. This rant is nothing to do with her, per se) and thus a new class. This should make me grow in my yoga, right? Yoga is not about an instructor, it is a personal journey, with many instructors or helpers along the way. Many different views, methods, ideas of the yogic variety, can only add to my yoga experience, right? Wrong. It seemed to detract from my yoga experience last night. I was quite discouraged and sad about the class. It is not what I had come to expect with my Wednesday night class. This sadness and melancholy continued through class. I walked out of class with no after class buzz and glee. I was ambivalent, miserable, and ready to walk away from yoga.
This cannot be a yogic mind. Yoga is a personal journey, not about the class or instructor. So if this switch affected me to this degree, maybe I am not meant for yoga. As I watched the instructor lead us through this new unchartered, unfamiliar territory, I couldn’t help but think…Here is this woman, who has just finished the 2nd year of the program I am currently enrolled in, but she had so much more “yoganess” than me. She was the epitome of what a yogini should be. She lives the talk and walks the walk. So, observing her and observing me, I had to wonder is there a yoga gene I do not have? I cannot comprehend myself being in her position, state or place in 11 months time. I question more and more, whether I need to find a remedial yoga lifestyle / teacher program, which lasts much longer and is more in depth. Or do I need to re-do the first year and then maybe I will get “it” with a second go around. On the other hand, should I just scrap the journey all together? I do not know. I am beginning to think, a redone first year or a more intensive class, is not going to do it for me. I do not think I will every get to that “yoganess”.
That makes me sad and discouraged. And when I am sad, discouraged and frustrated I historically quit. Re – flute, saxophone, clarinet, swing dancing, ballet, softball, Wall Street career, entrepreneur. If I cannot be the 'best" or "get it right" within due course, then I quit. I do not have a lot of patience, for the getting back up, dusting yourself, and trying again, and again, until I get it.
I am at a cross roads in my yoga life. Do I quit or do I continue through the discomfort? If I am never going to get “it”, why should I continue?
Namaste
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