So much for being thankful...

You would think those stupid little grimey germs from my husband read my blog or something. Just when I write about their inferiority, they turned around and show me. They have invaded my body full force. Where are my anti-bodies? Did my anti-bodies not hear or read me tauting their all empowering superiority over those germs? I suppose, like me, my anti-bodies are a little slow on the up take. So, I am sick. Good thing it is a weekend and I didn't have things planned. Liar! I wanted to be so productive this weekend, as well as see a girly movie...Stupid germs. Oh well, I guess I can be grateful that it is making me rest and relax for two days. Hey wait a minute, maybe my anti-bodies are not that slow and they had it right all long. Just like me, slow but sneaky. They knew what they were doing the whole time.

Today, I am grateful for lazy, forward thinking anti-bodies.

Namaste

Great Buzz

Today, I am grateful for the rockin’ yoga class last night. We did a whole bunch of backbend poses using the wall. The wall is such a good tool. It never lies, you are on, or you are not. It was such a great class; I was in the sweet spot. What an awesome feeling! I was buzzing when I left class night and I am still buzzing today. That class worked something out of me and I happy it is gone.

Today, I am grateful for the yoga buzz.

No Kleenex Required

Touch wood, today I am very grateful I have not contracted my husband's nasty, hacking cold. I feel for him, but stay away from me. I love him to death, but keep your germs away from me, please.
Namaste

She is a hard habit to break ...

This past weekend was the lifestyle yoga weekend. One of the topics of discussions was being conscious of our actions and thoughts. Being in the present and realizing how much we do each day that is pure habit and on auto drive. So, I thought I would start writing about some of the habits I find in my day.

My recent move to a new department has brought a lot of pre-conceived judgments and old habitual ways of relating out of me. In a previous life, I had the pleasure of working for one of the most difficult women on the face of this earth. Nothing was good enough, fast enough, or done quite right. I bent over backwards to try to read her mind and please her. This would be the time that I got it right. Nope, not the right shade of green in the presentation. There was so much tension and anger in our interactions and relationship. I can say that without a doubt it was my most toxic work relationship on record.

Well, my new client has the same management style and demeanor as my first nemesis. The minute she opens her mouth or I get an email from her, I am transported back 10 years to the 33rd floor of bank in Boston. The old angst, tension, and anger just bubbles up like it were yesterday. Toxicity all over again. Trees or no trees.

However, after this weekend’s discussion, I have cause to pause. Am I giving the new manager a fair chance by bringing all the junk from my past? I need to step back and break that habitual response. I need to let this relationship develop into what it will be on its own without my pre-conceived habitual response.

To be continued …

Namaste

Snow Globe

Today I am grateful for the view from my new cubicle. Today is my first day in a new cube and department. A little scary and stressful. It always is, until I learn to navigate the waters and get into a routine. Although one thing that makes this move much more bearable and fabulous is the massive window, which looks out upon the surrounding campus and grounds. Lots of woods and nature. This morning when it was snowing, my view of the world looked exactly like a snow globe that had been shaken. What a truly wonderful and beautiful sight. It definitely helps with my stress levels. It is very calming for me to look outside and see nature – good or bad. The view makes all the difference in my state of mind and mood. My computer screen is flanked by this window, so when I type I can see this big ole’ tree. Very good vantage point for daydreaming. Cannot wait until spring and summer when the grounds will be alive and in full bloom.

I am very fortunate and grateful that my new cube came with a snow globe.

Namaste

The End

Today I am grateful for the impending End. No more contractors in my house. The last couple of bits of work are supposedly going to be finished today. Hallelujah! No more vacuuming sawdust, no more cleaning black fingerprints from every possible surface in my house, no more black boot marks on the white risers of my steps, and no more of someone being in my house when I am not home. I am grateful for the work that was done. I am just a little maniac / upset about the amount of extra cleaning and restoring of my house, which is required by me when he leaves. I like the feeling of knowing that everything will be the way it was when I left in the morning. I know these are all my neurosis that I have brought on myself, but admitting is the first step to recovery.

Today, I am grateful for getting my house back the way I left it.

Namaste

Is gratitude a relative feeling?

Is gratitude a relative feeling? I ask this only because I struggle with what to write most days. I pose the question to myself - "What are you grateful for today?” I automatically start searching my day for grand moments, ideas, things, or actions that would be suitable (wrong word?) for gratitude. But this does not seem right to me. I think / feel / sense this should not be the way to foster gratitude and appreciation. Gratitude should not be just the big things but also the little and fundamental things. Is it harder because I am extremely fortunate to have the life and surroundings that I do? Is gratitude relative to my fortune? Is it more meaningful for me to say I am grateful for the roof over my head, the food on the table, and the clothes on my back? Do I take all these less than grand things for granted if I do not pay homage and gratitude to them each day? Is gratitude a ladder where I can skip over rungs 1 through 5 because of my circumstances?

Maybe that is what this whole gratitude idea is about, not forgetting the rungs 1 through 5 on your way to 6. I think I am starting to understand that on this path to Santosha, I must be mindful and grateful for all the big, small, ordinary, and extraordinary, as well as all the places in between.

Today, I am grateful that I have the means and abilities to work and help support my family.

Namaste

Thank Goodness for German Engineering

Today, I am grateful for all the people who work in the Engineering department at Volkswagen in Germany. Danke!

Friday, on my way home from work, I was rear ended by an evil Japanese car. We were in stop and go traffic, so it was not horrendous and bloody, but scary enough. My poor baby got smash-alated on the back bumper and I was tossed around a bit from the impact. But nothing like I believe it could have been, if it wasn’t for my lovely little car. It ensconced me in protection and took the bullet for me.

I am very grateful for my little blue wonder and the Über– intelligent engineers at VW. Danke!

Namaste

Prairie, Here I come!

This afternoon has been a bit boring. There is not much work for me to do, so I was asked to walk to another building to retrieve files. My client at the moment is in an office park located in the out skirts of Pittsburgh, quite suburban. The office park is “campus” style. Little clusters of buildings spread out over about 2 square miles. Like a college campus. Sounds very institutional, doesn’t it? But it isn’t. It is so absolutely lovely. The entire “campus” is intermingled and surrounded by a nature preserve. All the paths to the different clusters of buildings on the campus are through the woods and fields of the nature preserve. It really is quite spectacular.

Needless to say, I was quite thrilled to have to go get the files, which were in another building about .30 miles away. You ask yourself, “Is she whacked? I would not want to walk .30 miles to get work files. I barely can walk 3 feet to get my printouts!” But it was an exquisite .30 miles to walk. I went passed the most stunning field of tall grass being tossed about by the spring wind. It is such an incredibly calming sound. I just closed my eyes and listened. I must have come down about 10 levels during the walk. All the calming sounds of the wind and grass, as well as the awesome sunshine, made the walk back to the office very difficult. It made me want to keep on walking and toss in the corporate world, while I lulled my days away in field. What did I have to go back to anyways - filing, reviewing tests, stabbing my eyes out with a red hot poker? I wanted to be free and run in the open field, just Laura Ingalls from the opening credits of Little House on the Prairie.

But, alas, I did return and I am so very grateful for the fifteen minutes of pure bliss and perfection. Maybe tomorrow I will have to go retrieve my favorite pencil that got left behind??? :)

Namaste

The Number 6

I am so grateful for the number 6, especially when the number 7 closely follows it.

These were the two numbers on my car outside thermometer today. And no, it is not a cold spell for Phoenix or Tampa. It is a lovely warm, spring spell for Pittsburgh!

It is amazing what a little, okay large, spike in the temperature will do to my, as well as everyone else’s dispositions. I just want to hug everyone and give them a kiss on the cheek. Everyone is actually smiling and saying hello back to me. It is all puppy dogs and cotton candy. It makes you want to sing out loud on the nearest hill or mound. Just like a scene out of the movie “The Sound of Music”. I want to spend my whole day outside walking, running, exploring, and smiling. I want to be around people and not cuddling up by myself on the couch. I imagine this is what a bear feels like when he comes out of hibernation. It is so exhilarating.

Today, I am so, so, so, grateful for the number 67 and a vacation from the winter blahs.

Namaste

Head Music

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and beyond I am grateful that the head music is going away, slowly but surely.


Namaste

My Backyard and its Voices

Saturday, as I looked out onto the soggy, brown, leafless backyard, I thought how grateful I was for my backyard and the voices. I live in a city neighborhood of Pittsburgh, where green grass, trees and space are highly prized. But I am lucky because I have a very clever husband who found this lovely house and its backyard.

My backyard is so peaceful. The perfect mixture of grass, trees, and dirt. Well, I could do with less of the dirt and more of the grass, but beggars cannot be choosers. We have put a lot of love and sweat into the back yard to make it a sanctuary. This past spring the Inventor made a babbling brook with a lotus flower fountain in one corner of the backyard. Then I put my birthday hammock under the perfect tree, so you get a bit of the nice warm sun in the early afternoon, and then shade when it gets too hot. A soft tinkling wind chime was hung on a nearby tree branch. So with my hammock, a cool breeze and the sound of water, you would never, ever image you are in the city. It is my little refuge from the world. I love just swinging and daydreaming. Listening to the sounds of summer while you just swing. Aaahhh…

The other feature that makes my backyard perfection are the voices from over the wall. Sometimes in the middle of a lovely dream about saving the world or Robert Redford, I hear the melodious tones of my friend and her husband over the brick wall. They will be chatting about mundane topics, but giggling and laughing the whole time. All I hear our happy, peals of laughter. Just enjoying and living life. It is such a lovely, little, unexpected snippet interjected into my moment. It just makes me smile and thank my husband for buying the best backyard in town.

So, I am grateful for my backyard at its voices. I cannot wait for spring.

PS – AWM, I am stalking you...no, no, no just thinking about you and your situation :)

The Inventor, Geritol, and I

Friday, I was grateful for the open environment in my marriage. My marriage is by no means the perfect marriage or the worst. It is very easy and fun loving at times, while at other times it is very trying and difficult. However, the one thing, I can always depend upon is that it will be there. I do not have one doubt that this is not the person I will take Geritol with when I am 75. This is a wonderful feeling and a bit eerie. When we disagree or have “discussions", I never have a second thought not to speak my mind. Albeit sometimes I need to phrase it softer or more cushioning for my husband’s much more sensitive nature, but I feel I can say whatever I need to say. This comfort or eeriness is something I have never had in a relationship. I was always on pins and needles about everything. Always watching everything, I said or did. It was extremely exhausting and tiresome. But that feeling went away and stopped when I met my husband. I would like to think it is because he is the one, although realistically I think it is because I grew up and relaxed, and I was more receptive to finding him.

So, I am grateful for our open and understanding marriage and comfort that comes with along with it.

Namaste

cccrrrkkkk... tango 4 over and out...cccrrrkkkk...

I am doing a bit of catch up today, so there will be multiple posts for multiple days. It is hard writing / blogging and being conscious of gratitude. I think I have improved immensely because I may have not blogged but I did have a gratitude thought each of these days. That is a big step in the right direction - my heart and head are in the right place. Now, if I could just get that darn life to follow suit…:)

Thursday, I was grateful for helping, making someone laughing out loud. I can be the most serious driven person one moment and then the silliest, just shake your head stupid, childish person in the next moment. (PS – I am probably un-diagnosed as a bi-polar and schizophrenic) I think my favorite moments in life are when I am this Jill brand of silly, except when it involves alcohol – and we won’t go there. Any who, so I enjoy making people laugh and hearing people laugh. I would much prefer to be Fred or George, then a Hermione. I enjoy being the court jester, if I can get a laugh, smile or chuckle, I feel good.

So, today I am grateful for being the court jester and making a friend laugh out loud.

PS - to my friend, I think you are more a Dumbledore than Malfoy. Mysterious, thinking, creative, secretive, but caring and protective all in one.

Namaste

He Makes A Mean Soup

My dad has retired officially, yet unofficially, from the work world. In September, he retired officially from UPS, but now works for another company when the mood strikes him. The mood strikes him usually about 6:30 am until about 3:00 pm Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursdays! He has to get his head examined. When I retire, I am in bon-bon-ville, poolside with Sven fanning me, while Helga does my toes. Am I missing something? Here is a man, who has worked his whole life, in one form or another, gets to the golden age, can now finally relax, and what does he do, he works. I guess that type of sickness cannot be leached out too quickly or at all sometimes. Oh well, if it makes him happy, keeps him busy and stops him from calling me every 2 minutes, I say go Daddy, go!



Really, I am very grateful for my Dad’s retirement. He does seem much more relaxed and can do more of things he enjoys instead of sitting at a desk all day. Also, this gives him the time to make his wonderful and delicious delicacies. My favorite being his beef soup. And boy, does he make a mean soup. The most recent batch of beef soup was the inaugural event for the new Chantal cast iron soup pot. It was absolutely, melt in your mouth, warm you up inside, stick to your ribs, delicious. One bite and I am 10 years old again, fighting with my brothers for more noodles and seconds. The perfect blend of vegetables and meat. Just like, I remember it, during those endless, cold, snowy, and wonderful Sundays growing up. Mmmm.

Aren’t memories just lovely? The good and the bad. It is funny how one mouthful of soup and I have a smile on my face for the day.

Today, I am, oh so, grateful for my Dad, his retirement, his relaxation and his culinary abilities…

Namaste

What a Man

Happy New Year!

Today and this past year, I am most grateful for one thing. Most importantly, I am very grateful for my husband and his patience. I love his nature. It is so soft to my hard and sometimes maniac personality.
So, I suppose a little background about me would put his "amazingness" into perspective. I come from a family of the great debaters. We love to have heated “discussions” about everything. To an innocent bystander, with an untrained eye, these “discussions” might seem like shouting matches. But really, these “discussions” are many strong willed opinionated people communicating. This was my environment growing up. These “discussions” would be launched anytime two of us were in one room together. It is how I learned to communicate with other individuals. So, it is my nature to automatically raise my pitch a couple octaves, put my head down and win this “discussion”. But this runs so, so, sooo counter to my husband’s way of “discussions”. Just picture a marshmallow hitting a boulder. He doesn’t ever raise his voice and he agrees with everything you say. Now to a debater, this is the most frustrating defense in a “discussion”. The opponent must come back with the next volley in the discussion. But my husband, just takes the ball, says okay and walks away.

So, yesterday, we had one of those “discussions” and I am charged up, ready and begin my tirade, oops I mean ”discussion”. After what seems like 20 minutes of me laying out my points very poignantly and succinctly, I open my eyes, come down out of my frenzy, ready for the rebuttal, but, there is no rebuttal or counter “discussion” point, just a bewildered, kind set of eyes looking at me like I have 3 heads. He just looked at me with pure understanding that he knows I am off my rocker and I needed to vent at that moment. It takes a special man to recognize crazy and still love it.

So, this day, year, and moment, I am most grateful for my husband and his all-knowing, non-judging, understanding and beautiful nature!

Namaste